Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
