i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
