Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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