what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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