Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
