When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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