You just made me feel so damn special
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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