Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm really busy with my period
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