i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
