Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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