Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She needs sedatives and a leash
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
