I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
