My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
