you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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