Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you traded sex for a burrito?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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