You're so nebulous sometimes
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
