Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
