Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
