I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
