Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
