mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
