is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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