you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
