dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
