At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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