I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
