even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
