I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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