I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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