a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
