You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
