It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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