I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
