I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
