operation harelip BJ is a go
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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