It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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