I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
