Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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