how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
