State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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