Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
