At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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