And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
