So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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