We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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