Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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