I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
