Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
