If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
