She is in my trunk
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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